[Baek Yebin & Kogyeol]
rating teenager | genre angst-au, friendship | length ficlet.
“I’ll miss you but it won’t lasts forever.”
I knew something was up when he called me. It was late, 11 P.M, and I was ready for sleep.
“Let’s meet,” he said coldly, and I started wondering what did I do wrong that possibly could make him angry. Nothing, because we didn’t talk that day since he was busy with his date and I was watching them from a far.
I coughed. “Okay. But, Gyeol? Are you okay?”
Instead of answering, he turned off the phone.
It was chilly outside, but I was far too concerned to grab my jacket in the drawer. I didn’t think my jacket would keep me warm, though, since the cold itself came from my body.
Kogyeol was already standing in front of the bench we usually sit in when I arrived. I couldn’t see his face but I just knew it’s him by looking at his figure.
“Hi,” I said, rubbing my hand. Brr.
He flashed me a smile, and I thought everything was okay—it was just me overthinking. But then his eyes flickered in a strange way. “I have something to say.” He said while looking at the ground—that was strange too, and suddenly I felt uncomfortable. “You know, we’ve been friends since… freshmen?”
“And do you know how much I like you?”
I didn’t want to answer this question, because Kogyeol was cringing when he said that, as if admitting his feelings towards me was so shameful. Was it, though?
“Yebin, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
“W-what?” I couldn’t help but looking at him, rummaging through his expression to find something that would make me understand. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”
He stared dreamily at the dark skies, probably not wanting to answer my question. Or, maybe he was trying to find some valid reasons to get rid off me. Why didn’t I notice his displeasure towards me?
I opened my mouth, “Is it because my personality? Or is it because you, actually, never think of me as someone who’s important to you?”
“No! It’s not like that!” Kogyeol blurted out, stepping closer to me. He opened his mouth, but then closed it again. “Damn it, Yebin! It’s because my girlfriend thinks that you like me and eventhough I like you so damn much, I can’t lose her!”
I knew it.
I stepped backwards, couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. His girlfriend knew? Tears prickled my eyes and I was trying my best not to cry and leave—because then, he would know. And as much as I wanted to confess my unspoken love, I couldn’t.
Yes, simply because Kogyeol wasn’t into me. And the fact that he willingly broke off our friendship… It showed me how much feelings he saved for that girl. And how cheap our relationship meant to him.
Kogyeol looked as if he just realised how hurt I was. He sympathetically walked forward, trying to say something. But no words escaped his mouth.
“You like me,” I repeated his words. “But you love her. Makes sense.” I bit my lower lip, trying to find my confidence—I failed, of course. He hurt my pride so bad until all I want to do was crawling back home and cried myself out. “I got it, Gyeol, and it’s okay. Eventually, I’ll get over this and I’ll be happy as if I never had met you.” I said in a final tone.
The next seconds, I was trapped in his arms. He held me tightly and I wished I could scream, telling him how much I liked him, how much I didn’t want to leave, or how messy my feelings were.
But then I remembered his words and the thought of leaving crossed my brain again.
I didn’t want this anymore.
I freed myself. While shaking my head, I whispered, “This won’t do, Gyeol. I’m leaving. Yes, I’ll miss you but it won’t lasts forever. So, don’t worry about me. Goodbye.”
With that, I turned around, my body freezing from the cold, but I was alive. And that was the only thing that matter.
finished: 14:41 | October 7th, 2015.
(a/n): in the middle of exam but here i am, typing this in my computer while listening to SISTAR’s song instead of studying. and i’m so sorry for writing in english, knowing that my grammar isn’t that good. :’) please point it out if you find any grammatical errors, I’ll try to fix it. thanks!