cutiepie (you’re on fire)

Doyoung is cute, so cute that, I believe, only angels can resist him.

At first glance, he may seems odd, nerdy even, but still, something about him always screams CUTE! whenever he passes by me, whenever he appears in my sight. His cuteness is so cruel and hard to explain, and I eventually stop whispering to my friend about how adorable he is because she’d never understand. She’d never see him the way I see him and I realise I like it more that way.

The thing I love the most about him is the way he dresses himself. I like seeing him wearing any clothes, honestly—and please do not misunderstand me for this sentence—but there’s something so special, so neat about him wearing a sweater-shirt. I like to tell myself that it’s because he looks presentable, nice even, but I think it’s just a lie. I like him in his sweater-shirt because he looks warm, because it makes me want to throw myself at his grip and let him embrace me. Because it makes me get all fuzzy inside, and I like that feeling, I like that feeling despite my hatred for feeling attracted to unreachable things, and he’s just like those things, and I always know this fate but keep ignoring it. He’s unreachable for me.

The thing I love the second most about him is the way he smiles, laughs, and grins. I don’t know, I think I love him in general, but still I get butterflies all over my stomach whenever he does these things. You see, he’s got a very cute teeth and it makes him look a lot like a bunny, a handsome, 182 cm tall bunny. And yes, it doesn’t help that he does those all the time. He’s so cute and friendly that he smiled at me once, when we coincidentally walked past each other, and I remember feeling like an dumbstruck idiot. Sometimes at night I still regret the fact that I didn’t reciprocate his smile that time.

The thing I love the third most about him is his voice. You couldn’t forget his voice once you heard it. He’s an amazing singer, talker, and I guess whisperer too. I never get the chance to actually talk to him, but listening to him talking to his friends is enough. And listening to him actually singing is just heaven. He sang a song called To You that time, a beautiful ballad song sung by Sung Sikyung, and he was just awesome. He was so into the song that he closed his eyes the entire time, only to have it opened to send a smile at someone in the crowd at the end. And yes, I wish it was me, I wish with all my luck that it was me because that time, that damned time, I was there, I was standing there near him, so close to him it seemed like he was smiling at me, but not. Standing beside me was a girl, a beautiful girl with hair as soft as cotton, a smile as sweet as candy, smiling back at him. He sang a song called To You, but the you in it wasn’t me. Never me.

The thing I love the fourth most about him is the way he treats his girlfriend. Which turns out to be my own friend. My own friend who has never realised how cute he is, how lovely he is, how heavenly he is. My own friend who once asked, “What is so good about him that you keep gushing about him?” And I regret about all those time where I didn’t answer her question when really I’ve got my reason.

Things about a person don’t need to be good when you’re in love with that person.”

The thing I love the fifth most about him is that he’s stupid. He’s dumb for what he doesn’t realise. And I’m happy with it, I’m thankful that he’s created this way, so he’d not grasp all of these feelings inside my chest, so he’d not see me as me, so he’d not know.

Doyoung is cute, so cute that, I believe, only angels can resist him. And please keep in mind that  I’m only a mere mortal. So please forgive, forgive me for storing these feelings, forgive me for keeping these hopes, when really, these are only built to be crushed. Well, I think I’m ready to be destroyed.

19:11, Nov 14 2016.


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